Have you ever been in a position that you wanted to die! I have. Sometimes life throws us unexpected curve balls that we never anticipated coming. I have lived with physical pain for over 18 years of my adult life and there was a time which was more difficult than any other in my journey.
So often others will say things like, “It can’t be that bad”, “this is only a test so you can have a testimony” or “what the Devil meant for evil God will turn it around for your good”. Don’t get me wrong, every one of these statements is true. There have been many times I have spoken them over others. But you never understand another person’s pain until you have to walk the road yourself. Even though the word of God has been prevalent in my life there will be times you’ll wonder if God is listening.
Three years ago I had the last of seven back surgeries. I found a wonderful doctor who was able, along with the help of God to finally get the fusion of L-4 to S1 to heal. My lower back was brand new as far as I was concerned. But prior to the healing there was a time following my 4th surgery, after that the pain was so overbearing I asked the Father to take my life. As a pastor and a woman of God – many ask “How could you want to die?” Please don’t judge unless you have walked in my shoes.
There is a woman that believers know so well in the Bible named by the region she lived in, that of Samaria. She had been caught in adultery and the men of Samaria brought her to Jesus to be stoned to death. It doesn’t state in the text but I wouldn’t be surprised if there were women standing around cheering them on because she may have slept with their man. You know how we can bring out our claws. But she was brought to Jesus. Can you imagine her humiliation, fear and the pain of rejection she was feeling? Maybe death wasn’t a bad option after all. But Jesus, full of grace, mercy and love was quoted saying, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7 NASV) Each man dropped his stone and the pain in her life ceased. You see neither did Jesus condemn her, but told her to go and sin no more. She was free from her pain, agony and emptiness.
Yes, I asked Jesus to take my life but there were three beautiful women of God standing around my bed praying for God not to take my life. God overrode my request and honored theirs. And I am so grateful he did. But as I write this blog today my physical pain once again is unbearable but if the Lord carried me through 4 years ago, I know He can do it again. No matter what happens God is with you. God the pain in my upper back and the sides of my neck and shoulders is detestable today. But I’m not asking to die. “Why?” you may ask. Because I know my Daddy has me.
Pain Comes in Different Forms
Pain comes in different forms, physical, emotional and sinfulness. But God has promised to be with us through the good, bad and even the ugly times in our lives. Webster defines pain as, a state of physical, emotional, or mental lack of well-being or physical, emotional, or mental uneasiness that ranges from mild discomfort or dull distress to acute often unbearable agony, may be generalized or localized, and is the consequences of being injured or hurt physically or mentally or some derangement. But thank God for His intervention in our lives. Even though today is not my best, Jesus is yet caring for me and for you. So don’t give up when the going gets tuff. Why? No matter what happens God is with you. No matter what trouble, hardship, or persecution you may have to endure, it didn’t come to stay.